second-city-love
Depression is stupid and not a thing that makes me a better writer. One time I went a whole year without writing and I stayed in bed and drank. Fuck your Bukowskisms. I want sunlight and love and running down some street I’ve never been on where it’s warm and cool at the same time and I’m smiling. I want nothing to ever be bad again - and I don’t mean that I want a life free of conflict, I mean that I want a life free of meaningless conflict. Not being able to will oneself to take a shower or leave the house is meaningless. There is nothing to be gained, no lesson to be learned from that kind of life. My heart is stale, my prose is stale. Give me fire if you want to hurt me. Give me something I can taste. There’s nothing romantic or mysterious about where I am. There’s nothing here worth holding onto.

By Joshua Espinoza (via doubtsbestally)

THIS!!! Holy shit, this. This, this, THIS! Don’t get me wrong, I still kind of love Bukowski, but who wants to wander through their own dark bullshit forever? 

I want sunlight and love and running down some street I’ve never been on where it’s warm and cool at the same time and I’m smiling.”

5:15 am

I spent 12 solid hours cleaning out my house yesterday.  Pretty sure by the time I went to bed, I feel fairly confident I know what death by exhaustion felt like.  But really… is there a better feeling on Earth than falling into your bed with clean sheets?  

I’m pretty surprised I’m awake this early, but I’m about to take advantage of it and try some yoga.  I always thought it would be cool to be that person that does yoga really early in the morning.  And then drinks tea while the sun comes up.  

I’m going to church today.  But not just church…. oh no, I’m going to knock people’s socks off when I show up at the 930 service.  I genuinely can’t wait.  Not only that, but on of my very best friends has (begrudgingly) agreed to go with me.  T is so special to me, and I can be the worst influence on her.  To be completely honest, I can be the worst influence on most people…. but I mean, what can I say?  I’m hard to say no to once I’ve set mind to something.   

So now my hope is this…. If I can so easily influence others to make such shitty choices,  why can’t I learn to use that to influence others to make great ones?  T is an amazing artist, one of the most genuine, selfless people I know.  If God could finally get my attention, I know he can get hers too.  

To everyone that has messaged me since my last post, thank you.  Not just thank you, but really… THAN YOU.  I need encouragement more than ever right now and you guys definitely came through.  I want to be here for you guys too, so don’t hesitate to contact me! 

I love you guys, have a great Sunday.  

With sincerity, love and happiness, 

E